Tuesday - Day 2

Today was good. Not great, but it was alright.
I have a killer headache and my stomach won't shutup. The first 3-4 days are the hardest though so I'm halfway through the barrier!


I HATE not having scales. It's doing my head in!

Monday - Day 1

Well Monday was a success! I told my best friend/desk buddy at work that I'm liquid fasting for "health reasons" and it ends up she wants to do it too which is BRILLIANT. She bought this weird coco stuff that you add to water (it's 38 cals a spoonful - woo!) and you're meant to drink it half an hour before meals. We obviously just drank it for the meal but holy mother fucking shit I was so full after I finished it. I seriously recommend buying it if you're thinking of doing a liquid fast!
The downside is that my scales are fucked. I got on this morning and it said 99 FUCKING KILOS oh gosh I almost died from a heart attack. Luckily my mother told me they say the same for her (she's thinner than me!) so I'll have to buy more asap.
Hope everyone's well! :)

Attempt number 2

I'm going to do the liquid diet again starting Monday.
Got new inspirations and some one to try for now :) Fingers crossed!

Smile!

I am in the best mood. We got the house! Which means I will be out of home in 3 weeks :D
It's not going to be as easy as I thought this whole restricting to the max/avoiding most foods thing. Since I'm moving out with my best friend she watches every single thing I do. Sigh. Oh well. I'll work it out.


Does anyone know where to find good thinspo? I need new motivation.

Fuckity fuck

Okay I so did not want to post about this because it will give the impression I'm *that* kind of girl but I need to get it off my chest.


So there's this guy. And he's fucking brilliant. Seriously, he's just the best person ever.




Yuck.


So anyway. I passed out at work the other day so I had to stop the liquid fast.
Everyone was so worried, I felt really bad. 
I could feel myself getting weak and dizzy but I am the most stubborn person ever so I kept refusing to eat.
I lost 7kgs all in all which would be awesome but I've put 3 back on since then.
You win some you lose some I guess!


I need to lose so much more. I don't want to gross this guy out.

Nomnomnom

Well the liquid fast is going great so far.
Almost had a weak moment today but then I was on google and found this awesome website that KILLED my hunger like no tomorrow.
It's called "This Is Why You're Fat" and I don't know about you, but I am a girl that looooves reverse thinspo. 
Looking at perfectly thin bodies makes me realise what I don't have and that leaves me depressed and angry at myself. Looking at chocolate covered bacon (which just seems like madness to me?!) and insanely obese people gets me motivated which leads me to be up and moving! As soon as I looked at those pictures I poured out my soup and went back to my desk quite content with my efforts.

Scat

When I was put into recovery in 2008 I thought it was for the best.

I gained a whopping 16 kgs and even though I was back to being chubby, I was happy.

Now - I'm fucking miserable. Over the past 4 months I've started looking at photos from my nights out and realising what a fat cow I've turned into. Now I'm back to excessively exercising again. Restricting my calories. Going on PT to talk to people about it and get me motivated. Snorting whip to supress my appetite before work so I don't find myself going on a fucking rampage eating everything in sight.

Man I feel powerful. I missed that high that you get from not eating for 3 days straight. The feeling that I'm smarter because no one around me suspects a thing. It's fucking brilliant.

Godskitchen was amazing. I was off my tree when we got in there and it only got better throughout the night. We had coke, acid, MDMA, and some biks. I refused to be in any photos. I wanted to enjoy the night - not remember how hideous I am to look at. My best friend T told me before we walked in that I looked like I had lost a bit of weight. I simply scoffed at her and said "yeah right!" secretly high fiving myself on the inside. But a bit of weight isn't enough. I want people to see me and be shocked.  

I haven't eaten since Friday and boy do I feel faint. It's nice though. Let's just hope I don't pass out at work.